The Sensitive “Naked” Man / “Real” Love

(Okay, maybe not exactly the “naked” as in this old SNL skit, but I suppose it’s revealing in a different sense.)

I would like to think that I’m fortunate to be a product of the 80’s and 90’s. As a child, I would sit my parents’ car during our various outings as they listened to all the sappy love songs that would play on our local adult contemporary station, KOIT. I grew fond of a few artists back then such as Stevie Wonder, Lionel Richie, Peabo Bryson, Luther Vandross, and Michael Jackson just to name a few. Later, I got hooked on R&B and listened to artists like Boyz II Men, Blackstreet, Shai, Silk, Brian McKnight, and several others.

Continue reading “The Sensitive “Naked” Man / “Real” Love”

“A/S/L” – My Embarrassing Online Past / Computer Love

ProdigySometime during my late elementary school years, I was exposed to the Internet for the first time. My brother was attending CSU Berkeley then and he would sometimes use a dial-up connection to access the University’s network. I don’t remember much of it as it was pretty much all monochrome screens and text-based back then. I don’t even know if my brother used it much after accessing it the first time.

Sometime around middle school, our family picked up an internet connection through Prodigy. I don’t remember why we got it, but I believe I was the one primarily using it at the time. I would constantly tie up the phone line as I logged on to the barren wasteland that was the Internet. There was no YouTube or Wikipedia. There was no checking your Facebook or even MySpace, and a tweet was simply the sound a bird makes. You couldn’t do any shopping at Amazon or any other online retailer because eCommerce didn’t exist. I don’t even remember using Google or Yahoo! back then, though I do remember using engines like WebCrawler and AltaVista.

Continue reading ““A/S/L” – My Embarrassing Online Past / Computer Love”

Fitting My Puzzle Piece / Among “Greatness”

There are things in my life that I admit are pretty easy to take for granted.  I often overlook the simple things, such as waking up in a bed, having clothes to wear, food to eat, and a job that provides for my needs as well as some of my wants. The Lord certainly has provided and continues to provide for me despite my many failures as a man. Another thing I’ve found that I overlook is my family. My immediate family is in good health and relatively tight-knit. Until recent, we’ve pretty much all lived within the same area, with no one living further than a 15-20 minute drive away. I’ve had one of my brothers and his family living maybe 3-4 hours away at one time, but they’re back in the area now. As a relatively recent development, my oldest brother currently lives all the way in Ohio. However, even with these distances, we’ve mostly kept in touch and all continue to make it out for your usual holiday family gatherings.

I suppose having a close family is somewhat of a cultural thing, although I’ve felt that our family makes the extra effort to remain this way. Of course we’re not devoid of the occasional internal drama, but I think the fact that most of my family is saved plays a major part in holding it together. Even though I myself am divorced, I think I actually still have a decent relationship with my in-laws (former/ex-in-laws? Still in-laws? Not too sure what to call that now…) as I still visit now and then with the kids and help them out with various matters when I can. I would even say that my relationship with my ex-wife isn’t really one of bitterness.

The state of my family is just something that I don’t really think about because it’s always been there. Continue reading “Fitting My Puzzle Piece / Among “Greatness””

Marriage: Something dumb to do

Don’t get me wrong. I admire Bruno Mars as an artist for his talent and his music.

… but calling marriage “something dumb to do” is foolish to me.

It’s a beautiful night,
We’re looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

After watching this proposal video, I can’t help but Continue reading “Marriage: Something dumb to do”

Damaged Goods

It’s been a little over two years since I’ve had someone to call my own. Time has slowly been able to mend the wounds for the most part. The pain is gone, but the scars still remain.

crushed-moving-boxA lot has happened during the transition. I’m temporarily back home while I clear my debts, but thankfully have a stable job in this economy. More importantly, I’ve come back to my Lord and Savior and have given up on several of the chains that were enslaving me. The repairs upon the damage received from my recent struggles are nearly complete, aside from a few areas which will be long term investments. As I sit waiting on these finishing touches, I can’t help but look upon the conveyor belt that lay ahead of me. A factory refurbished product, soon to be shrink-wrapped and packaged for potential resale.

Continue reading “Damaged Goods”

The Good Book: Reunited and it feels so good

After the longest time being lost in limbo, my daughter was able to uncover my Bible from the depths of chaos that is their toy room. I was so glad to hear the news of her discovery as I’ve been wanting to read His Word in physical form rather than on my phone / PC / tablet. I mean, sure, the digital form definitely has advantages with regards to quick searching and note taking, but aside from the Nook, it’s easier on the eyes than reading on the computer or the iPhone, though the font-size is much smaller than I remember. Honestly, it’s just nice to have the good book back in hand. That and it has some sentimental value as it is my first and only physical Bible (other than a pocket Gideon that I’m sure is laying around somewhere). Continue reading “The Good Book: Reunited and it feels so good”

Avert Thine Eyes

"Don't look! Keep your eyes shut!"
“Don’t look! Keep your eyes shut!”

As a child, I would say I was relatively shy. I pretty much kept quiet and only engaged in conversations when others initiated the interactions. I didn’t go out of my way to talk to people about things until I had prior talks with that person. I could probably say that this was the case even with my own family. I got along fine with my cousins, but when it came to aunts, uncles, and grandparents, I still felt a bit uneasy.

I don’t know if this is necessarily a cultural thing, but Continue reading “Avert Thine Eyes”

“flipocrisy presents Anime-niacs” (or “just another anime post”)

reference: Animaniacs –LINK (Hmm, I have absolutely no recollection of this having that lengthier title. This image started as a simple MS Paint work, but I just had to throw in the eyes.)

I know that there are several great and entertaining television shows out there in TV land. I’ve followed my share of television series in the not so distant past, and I know there are a ton of shows just out there waiting for consumption. I did catch a few recently like Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead. I know they’re good and I hear nothing but praise about them through overheard conversations. However, for some reason, I just can’t seem to find the time of day to sit myself down in front of the TV to watch them. Even in this day and age of DVR, On Demand, and Hulu, I STILL can’t get myself to sit and watch them. I don’t quite understand what holds me back from doing so. I do have free time, but I just don’t really spend it in that way. Nor do I feel any inclination to do so.

And yet for some reason, Continue reading ““flipocrisy presents Anime-niacs” (or “just another anime post”)”

Into the Waters: My Testimony

On January 27th, 2013, I was baptized at Community Bible Church in Vallejo, California during evening service. I had the opportunity to give a very brief testimony on God’s holiness, faithfulness and patience, on the trials that I went through in my life, and how God used those trials to bring me back to Him and bring glory unto His name.

I present my testimony in full here for whomever may read it. To God be the glory.

My life is quite a work in progress. Many areas of it lay cordoned off with yellow tape and are either under construction or left abandoned. It’s like watching a shopping center slowly go out of business.

I wasn’t able to get that Bachelor’s Degree from the school(s) I attended.

I never did bother to continue pursuing those various computer certifications I said I was going to try for.

I haven’t been able to stick to the exercise and diet plans I had laid out.

I haven’t been consistent in my studies. I fail to be consistent in my Japanese language study and I haven’t even picked up that programming book ever since I bought it.

I can probably go on, but the bottom line is my life is full of shortcomings and failures. For this, I have no one to blame for but myself. It’s kind of funny and sad because I distinctly remember a middle school project I had where I was asked what would be written on my epitaph. In my inability to think of anything good, I wrote something along the lines that I “finished what I started” or “got the job done” or something lame like that. In looking back, I don’t see any event or accomplishment in my life that would attest to that.

I truly am a flawed creature. Yes, everyone has their own flaws as nobody is perfect, but I often felt that I got the shorter end of the stick in this lottery called life.

There was nothing in my life that I could brag or boast about. I wallowed in self-pity and self-doubt and selfishness and escapism. I felt inadequate and I felt that particular quality couldn’t be changed.

And why should I even try to? It’s all meaningless, anyway. “Vanity of vanities! All is vanity”. (Ecc. 1:2)

I ran from my responsibilities. I ran from my pursuits. Most importantly, I ran from God.

As I am, who would embrace one so sad, wretched, and pitiful? Who would accept one so wicked, depraved, and corrupt? Who would seek after one who ran from Him, who hated and despised Him, who turned away to pursue selfish desires, and didn’t want anything to do with Him?

There is One. Continue reading “Into the Waters: My Testimony”

Spread too Thin

While sitting around staring at my disconnected Intuos, I couldn’t help but notice something. With most things that I do, I’m somewhat like spreading jam on bread. It’s hard to get an even spread, and the chunks of jam often clump up in spots. I have several interests and hobbies, and I guess I could relate to the saying “jack of all trades, master of none.” For example, I think I do pretty well as a tech guy. I have a fairly broad knowledge of things hardware and software, but I can’t say that excel at any one aspect of it. I suppose I’m okay as an artist, but I got a long way to go considering my lack of artistic foundation. I suppose I have some capacity for singing and music (used to sing in choir, an r&b group, play some guitar and dabbling in bass) but I’m not all that. Definitely not recording material and not a stranger to haters on YouTube lol.

In most aspects of my life, I Continue reading “Spread too Thin”